Another birthday has come. My Angel is two years old today. It seems like it was just yesterday I was being wheeled into that delivery room to have an emergency c-section when they told me that your heart tones were low when I got to the hospital. Now I have gone two years without you in my arms, you will always be in my heart now and forever. You are apart of many conversations and we tell your little brother all about you. We will continue to because you will forever be apart of this family, you will forever be my first born, my first daughter and the one who made me a mommy, not even your death will change that. I am so happy for that fact
I smile because you will forever hold that place in my life and heart.
I love you know and forever. My Angel forever in my heart
Happy birthday in heaven
Our first Christmas with Josiah was great. We went To North Carolina to visit my family . It was great being around all my family and experiencing all the love and happiness around me. As expected Everyone wanted to hold Josiah 😄 he was definitely an arm baby the entire week we were there. Josiah got some gifts mostly clothes and some
learning toys. Mommy got some Victoria’s Secret perfume , makeup, gift cards, a purse, a watch and a back massager 🤗💆 This was definitely the best Christmas I have had in a VERY LONG TIME.
It’s been 7 months since I posted here. 😭 Way too long. Please forgive me. Life has been coming fast lately.
First things first my rainbow baby was born August 8, 2017 he weighed 7lbs 1 oz and 20 and was inches long.
I delivered him via scheduled c-section at 39 weeks 2 days. His name is Josiah-Christopher Alexander Williams (I’ll share in a later post the inspiration behind his name😇)
He has been everything we could ask for. Thank you God for bringing our rainbow baby 🌈🌈 here healthy earthside.
This pic was taken at my sister Tiana’s college graduation. Before you ask yes that is me in the burgundy dress in all my rainbow baby glow glory. I don’t know why I’m announcing it now . My hands are shaking as I write this but I’m currently 30 weeks 4 days pregnant with my 🌈🌈 baby. I’m having a baby boy who’s name will be Josiah. This is the most terrifying, nerve wrecking pregnancy. It’s my second pregnancy yet my first pregnancy after losing Janelle – Nicole. Ahhhhhh!!!! My emotions are all over the place. Please send me lots of prayers and support.
P.s I love this pic I mean just look at those smiles🙆🏽💁🏾😄
Janelle Nicole’s first Birthday was on January 1, 2017. Talk about a Double Whammy. I rejoice because I am celebrating a New Year but think about the baby I don’t have with me to celebrate. My husband and I also celebrated our daughter’s first birthday. It was a whirlwind of emotions. A celebration yet so bittersweet at the same time. Its just one of the many paradoxes of motherhood of a baby that you don’t hold in your arms. I have heard time heals all wounds, but I think New Years day will always be a trigger for me. It will serve as a constant reminder of what is and what should have been. It will remind me of the many possibilities and opportunities and the new beginnings that the new year bring. But it will also serve as a reminder of another birthday with no birthday party. Another birthday candle but no baby to blow it out. Another daydream about what she would be like and look like at this age.I think I will always wonder and imagine what could have been.
I find out the day before I’m discharged from the hospital that I had developed severe and sudden preeclampsia. For those who don’t know what preeclampsia is please click the link and research for yourself how severe it is for both mom and baby. Preeclampsia FAQ
The Preeclampsia caused me to have a placental abruption which is where my placenta detached from the uterus which deprived my daughter of the oxygen she needed. Because of the oxygen deprivation, she suffered immense brain damage. The day after I got to my daughter’s hospital, my husband and I were accepted into the Ronald McDonald House Charities. RMHC is a charity for the families of children in the hospital. The house is located on the campus of the hospital where your child is, this makes hospital visits easy and convenient for families. We stayed there for the entire month our daughter was in the NICU before she passed away. Every day we went to visit our baby girl hoping and praying that her ekg scan would show that the brain damage had been reversed and that we would be able to take her home. As days turned to weeks, it got hard seeing all she had to go through constant nurses and tests and all the edema(swelling) hat she had, due to her lack of movement.
January 31st 2016
The morning the nurse called us and told us to rush over to the hospital to hold her because her vitals had crashed and she was dying. we threw on our slippers and ran over to the hospital. They were pumping her oxygen through a hand pump oxygen bag , all the tubes were off of her and they handed her to me to hold as she died in my arms. They closed the door and allowed us alone time with her. My husband then began making the calls and texts to let everyone know she was gone. I sat there in shock that this was my life. I stared out the window and was numb, I felt nothing, I just sat there in silence.
Then the tears started to flow…..and flow….and flow… I couldn’t stop them, I cried so much I felt like my body had no more water inside of it. I was confused, and angry and heartbroken. Every part of my body hurt.
My dad came shortly after, then our family friends The Penny’s , a little while after them my uncle , Two aunts and my cousin came.
For More information about The Ronald McDonald House Charities please Visit this website Ronald McDonald House Charities
After what seemed like an eternity they finally bring my baby girl into my room, she was sedated at this point and inside of her incubator, she was so beautiful I opened one of the holes on the side of the incubator and grabbed her little hand and just rubbed her tiny little fingers and hands. The Doctors tell me how sick Janelle is and how they are about to transport her to Florida Hospital for Children where they have a great NICU department there, my delivering hospital did not have a NICU on their facility. I get to see my baby girl for about 20 minutes before she is whisked away to a hospital about 25 minutes from me. I am not able to see her for the next 3 days as my Doctor is not discharging me until my blood pressure comes done. My husband at this point is traveling between my hospital and my baby’s hospital about two to three times a day bringing me pictures and giving me updates on our daughter.
After the longest three days of my life I’m finally discharged and I take a cab to her hospital because my husband left earlier that morning on my discharge day because her Dr. called and said she had two seizures that morning. I get there , My husband meets me downstairs with a wheelchair, he takes my stuff from the hospital to the car and we go up to see my baby. This was my first time seeing her since the night I delivered her. I started crying when I saw her laying there in her little crib, so sick and there was nothing I could do. I just remember kissing her little hands and staring at her, I couldn’t believe this was my baby. She just laid there with all these machines hooked up to her, a breathing machines, lots of tubes that fed her vitamins and these little sticky pads on her head that was wrapped by head gauze as they kept an EKG machine on her to monitor her brain activity. Because of the placental abruption I had she suffered from oxygen deprivation, which caused a lot of brain damage , This is what was causing the seizures, and no movement from her.